Something amazing happened to me two weeks ago. I found my faith again. Not that I had particularly lost it, or become disillusioned, turned my back, nothing quite so dramatic. In fact I still thought I had it, the knowledge and acknowledgement were still there. I think I just forgot the reality of it, the substance, the experience that just can’t be described in words. The difference between knowing and being is incredible, and the impact is continuing to ripple through everything.
I suppose it started when I was challenged about the foundations of my life. What I was building everything on, what’s at the centre, and how strong is that? Which knocked me out of my comfort zone for a couple of days. The realisation that I needed to let go, stop trying to shoulder everything and make everything happen myself, was both scary and liberating. But then, if you’ve found something so powerful and unfailing, to not have it at the centre of your life would be a bit like Doctor Who and his pocket watch (although obviously bigger).
So I suppose I’ve made a choice, and internal shift and externally I don’t think you would notice any difference, but for me it’s like after a nine long years, I’m finally putting my feet on solid ground again, opening a door, and suddenly He is providing, and things are possible. And last Sunday when I finally made it to church I had a personal revelation, and remembered (which is a miracle in itself) exactly how it feels to be close to God.